balancing

{pictures from la madone in Provence, France}

I thought I would woo you with other peoples pretty pictures. Sorry. 

Oh, the balancing act. The balancing act that we all attempt. I wish it were easier. A long time ago someone suggested to me that I look at my time as an investment, and that investing my time in my children will always yield amazing returns. That I will never regret it. That it would always be a great investment. For some reason, I really held on to that. And it helps me, when I consider how financially strained I have been since making the choice to stay home with Charlotte. It will be worth it and I know that. I have to say, I have days when it is hard to imagine ever being financially comfortable again. And then I feel irresponsible. I feel guilty. I feel like I should be working and that I am in no place to continue to stay home with her. But then I imagine dropping her off at daycare every day, and somebody else spending more time with her than I do. I remember that my time is an investment more valuable than money, and that I really am investing wisely. I will work again, and I will have money someday. I won't regret this time I have had to stay at home with my daughters.

I am trying to do lots of things. I am trying to have a weekly girls' night. I am trying to take classes. I am trying to clean my home. I am trying to spend time with my girls. I am trying to go on dates. I am trying to plan fun things to do as a family. I am trying to spend time with my mom and grandma. I am trying to work in family gatherings and friends celebrations and silly adventures. I am trying to study for tests and type papers. I am trying to organize. I am trying to paint rooms. I am trying to clean toilets. I am trying to vacuum and dust. I am trying to gather things for goodwill. I am trying to create my own office. I am trying to edit pictures. I am trying to budget and pay bills.... so many things. Lately, I feel like I am not doing well at the balancing act, and that it would be best if I considered how I am investing my time- and prioritize according to what is most important to me. Put on the brakes... slow down... take a few breaths before I get going again...

This weekend I am going to San Francisco with my mom. I am looking forward to getting away with her. We have the best time together, and I always regard our trips as some of the best times in my life. I can't wait to just enjoy her, laugh with her, over-eat with her, smell the ocean air with her, take pictures with her, just be with her. I am so blessed. God is so so so good to me. My life is full of amazing people and my mom is right there at the top of the list. 

This week, I am slowing down. I am re-evaluating. I am spending time with my girls. I am checking things of the to do list. And hopefully next week, I will be better at balancing less.

Thank you friends.

law of attraction

Finally! A pretty post with pictures! I know we have all heard about claiming things we want. Oprah did a whole show on the law of attraction. (Based on The Secret, which I have not read.) I don't know how, but it works for me. If I say out loud something I would like to find, I seem to find it. Maybe it is because I am more intentional about looking for that item. Maybe it is a little present from God. Maybe its positive juju and putting my desires out there in the atmosphere. Maybe its just pure coincidence, perhaps luck. Whatever it is, I said I wanted to find a vintage suitcase. One with a pretty satiny interior. I found this at a thrift store for $1.98!



Teeny tiny vintage Christmas ornaments. They look big here, but they are those little tiny ones. For 29 cents. I know it! 

I found this scrapbook album at an estate sale. Today, which is a Saturday. And everything was 50% off. I have wanted to find one of these for a while. I love this one!



I snapped a few shots of the ephemera. The pictures with dates are from 1910-1915. This girlie and I have a lot in common. She loved animals, especially horses...


and Christmas! She loves Santa and Christmas!


The crying baby picture has a caption tired of waiting on Santa...

More Christmas, and animals...


And fashion of course!!! I love the shopping scene from the 1800's.


Then there is this little rocker. It is a cute little thing, just Charlotte's size. Or Teddy's. 


Tomorrow is the monthly flea! The girls are spending the night with "Hamma and Hoppa" as Charlotte says, so I get to go sans kiddos! I'll be sure and share my goodies.

What is equally as exciting as lovely finds, is getting rid of stuff!!! I took four trash bags full of stuff to goodwill today. One bag was full of toys. With Brooklyn's upcoming birthday I knew I needed to get rid of some. As soon as Charlotte wakes up, I will be going through her room. I'm on a roll ladies... there's no stopping me...

wishing you happy finds and a great weekend!

kali

silliness

Forgive me, as this post might seem all over the place.

I have taken to drinking tea. I have tried several kinds lately. Fall here has been especially cold (In fact, it's like we skipped fall altogether!) and that has me looking for something warm to drink. Because of our strangely cold weather, the garage sale has been postponed till spring. It will certainly give me enough time to price things!

I think I might be a worry wart. I seem to have a day of worrying every month, where suddenly I am overwhelmed by everything there is to worry about... you know how it goes. Isn't it funny? Worry is so wasteful! Usually my mom or Austin keep me grounded with their reassuring "everything will be alright" speech. Maybe I just need the chance to say out loud all those worries that muddy my mind. 

Life is happening. Right now. I am living in my life and the days become years, and nobody is going to create the life I want for my girls and myself, except me. These are the kinds of thoughts that keep haunting me. Brooklyn will be six in less than a month! How did that happen? Where does the time go? 

I know it is very natural for most people to make choices about their lives, for themselves. For some people, they are at A and they want to reach B and there are several choices they make to get them there. This is where my indecisiveness gets the best of me. There are too many variables. There are too many uncertain outcomes. There are too many options and too many unknowns and no guarantees. Add to that the opinions of others and their expressions of exactly what they think you should do, and you have the perfect recipe for the rut of indecisiveness. I am so afraid to make big decisions, and once I do, I want everyone in my life to give me permission to make those decisions. Isn't that silly? At the core of this, is a lesson on trusting God. Sometimes I seem to forget that God is Lord over my life. He is in control. I'll get it...

I have made one decision, though. And I feel pretty good about it. I want a dog. I mostly want a dog for Brooklyn and Charlotte, because they are so in love with every animal they meet. I have been checking our local humane society's web page almost daily, waiting for the one. I think I have found her. I will meet her tomorrow and report back to you if we add a family member! 

I am totally excited about Where the Wild Things Are coming out on Friday! We will be taking the girls for sure. Okay, I promise the next post will be way better, with pretty pictures to boot!

a wedding day

"All the technique in the world doesn't compensate for the inability to notice."

-Elliot Erwitt

I'm photographing a wedding today. I am a little bit nervous, but mostly I feel like I am going to rock. I love weddings. I really love the friend that is getting married today. She has been one of my strongest supporters and encouragers and she believes in me. There is such power in believing in someone! Don't underestimate the power of believing.

This friend of mine was there for me the day I was laid off from a job of seven years. She looked me dead in the eye and told me I needed to pursue photography. She forced me to see the light when I wanted to wallow in darkness. I can still remember the look on her face. I can remember the way she spoke. But mostly I remember the way she believed in me. She believed enough for the both of us. 

Now, it is her wedding day. A long road has led her here. Today, she will promise the rest of her life to a man that she loves dearly. A gentle man. A creative man. An unlikely man. Her man. I can't wait to watch them smiling at each other! I can't wait to see her so happy! I can't wait to watch them dance and laugh and be in a moment that transcends themselves. I can't wait to document it in pictures. That will be a full circle moment for me. My hope is that every picture somehow speaks of love, and softly whispers, "I believe in you too."

What an honor it is to photograph such a beautiful day! I don't know how many weddings I will photograph, but the thought of just one almost makes me tear up with humility. To be trusted to photograph a day that entire lives are built on, a day of a promise to God, a day of celebration of a lifetime union- that is an honor I can't describe.

Congratulations, dear friend. I pray that your love for one another is deep and everlasting. I pray that it  brings out the joy in you. I pray that you grow even closer together, and with God, in a way that brings your heart peace, courage, and true love. I pray that in your marriage, you love fiercely and are loved fiercely. I pray for your families as they become one big family, that your marriage will be a foundation for the generations that follow. I pray that you laugh all the time together. I pray that through each other, you both learn more about yourselves, and you learn more about God's love. I pray that when you are in your eighties, you still can't keep your hands off each other. ;o) Most of all, I pray that you both will be blessed beyond measure as husband and wife.

love always,

kali

{the photographer}

I want to dress like this!!!!

{http://heartinprovence.blogspot.com}

I recently found the blog of the woman on the right. She lives in Provence, France. (sigh) 

Her home is lovely, her pictures are lovely, her garden is lovely, and her clothes are lovely! I want to dress like this! Give me a dress and a hat and let me work around the home all day long! Move me to Provence and I will cook you three meals a day, in my pretty dresses of linen and lace... please visit her blog. (psst... she is getting ready to sell some clothes on her blog. :o)

Over the weekend I deep cleaned my bedroom. I cleaned my closet. I deep cleaned my little master bathroom. I washed all my bedding. I found the perfect lamps at TJMaxx and now I finally have bedside lamps. One of my all time favorite things is freshly washed bedding, reading by lamp light with a cup of tea, the fall breeze through the window... makes me so happy. I do find so much joy in simple things. Home things. 

I also went through all my bathroom drawers and cabinets. It feels good to re-organize and get rid of all the excess. Speaking of getting rid of excess, I am teaming up with my bestie Emily and finally having that garage sale. October 17-18. Mark your calendars! I am praying for not too cold weather.

Charlotte is quite the little spitfire. I have been referring to the girls as spitfire and sassafras. You know Brooklyn is a sassy little thing. I really love their personalities so much. I know Charlotte's stubbornness will serve her well one day. It will make me crazy. The baby girl is as outspoken as a toddler can be. She is quite assertive for such a little stink, far too busy to snuggle long. But every once in a while she stops what she is doing to come give me a hug and kiss and it melts my heart. Brooklyn is so much fun. She is just a fun kid. I love her girliness with a kick of tough. The girl is way tough. But she is all about make-up and clothes and dancing too. Oh, and Malachi and Saul. I thought I would have a few years before the boy crazies. Malachi is the bad boy. He gets yellows and even reds! (they have a color coded disciplinary system.) He is a cute little thing, with round cheeks and coffee w/cream colored skin. Saul is way trendy. He is the smart one, he knows how to READ and he wears the cutest little thick black framed glasses. He sports a little faux-hawk and he has a little lisp. He is too cute! I really like kindergarten age. Brooklyn is officially a daisy! She loves girl scouts, and is all about her friends. Tonight we took her to her school skating party. So much fun! She wants to have her birthday party at the skating rink. She'll be 6 in less than a month. :o(

I have been feeling pretty peaceful about life. I'm planning a getaway with my mom later this month to San Francisco! I have the best girl friends ever. I have recently started meeting with a counselor that I really like. I got an A on my first exam. My girls are happy and healthy. Last Friday I went on the best date I have ever been on ever! Austin planned a surprise date and it was a perfect evening. I am thankful.

I think I might buy some pumpkins tomorrow. I welcome Autumn. My hope for you is that this Autumn is a peaceful time, in a warm home with people you love. 

love,

kali

{oh, and sassafras and spitfire}

24-Forged in the Fire

Sometimes I stop and reflect on my life, especially my life since my baby girls. It has not been easy. I have endured trials I could have never imagined and I have found strength I didn't know I had. At twenty-four, I have lived a lot of life. But more than I look back and see struggle or pain, I feel blessed. I feel so very blessed! God has been so good to me and I am so grateful.

I don't have to look very hard to see the way that God loves me. My life, and my family, my friends, they are all evidence of how much God loves me. Twenties are hard no matter what, at least that is what I hear. But the bright smiles, the love, the people who are willing to walk beside you- they make all the difference. I feel like I have learned so much about myself in the last few years- some things I like, and some I don't. It refreshes my spirit to consider that this is merely the beginning of a life of refinement. God will be at work in me for all the days I am alive here on earth. Thank goodness this is so! Thank goodness no one stays the same from twenty-four to eighty-four! I am thankful for so much. I feel like I could burst!

I have learned so much, but there are a few things that really stand out to me. First, I have learned the family I am creating is nothing like my family of origin. I don't have to be afraid. I can know, from the start, that I will make mistakes. I will hurt my daughters. I will make wrong choices and that is okay. But I don't have to fear for my daughters what I experienced as a little girl. The great thing about being an adult with children, is that you get to make decisions about what is acceptable in their lives. Every single day, I get to create our lives. There is nothing to be afraid of. My daughters are happy, bright, vibrant, loving little girls. They know they are loved deeply. I'm doing what I am supposed to do. By the grace of God, I am a good mom. 

I have learned that I have so much potential! I am a strong, independent, intelligent, caring, God loving woman! I love that I am very loyal. I love that I can be silly. I love that I can go without make-up, hair in a pony tail and I don't feel insecure. I love that I can finish something. I love that I am a good listener. I love that I am a mother. I embrace my disorganization, my indecisiveness, my lack of punctuality, my self-discipline that ebbs and flows, my messy home, my mistakes, my imbalances. I want to change these things. I am working on them. Just accepting that I have lots to work on is an accomplishment. I am so flawed. God doesn't care.

I have learned that identity doesn't come from all the things that people sometimes want to believe. Who I am, or am not, does not reside in my accomplishments, my bank account, my marriage or lack thereof, my gender, my socioeconomic status, my education, my appearance or what I own. Lord knows I have so much more to offer the world than any of those things can hold! I am so glad I have realized, by twenty-four, that I don't have to buy into all the crap that makes us all feel like we can never measure up. I can be rid of those pressures. Just think of all the better uses for my energy! Now, this is a daily decision. Believe me, I have those moments where I compare or I feel inadequate based on the standard somebody else sets, then I just have to choose to be kind to myself. Apples and Oranges folks. God doesn't care about all those worldly measuring sticks or compartmental boxes. There is no one in the world like me, and I am far too extraordinary to fit in any box.

There is no one in the world like you, and you are far too extraordinary to fit in any box. How dare someone try to measure you!?!?

Most importantly, I have learned how to love. I mean real love. I have learned to love from a completely selfless place, a place that God fills so that you can love like Him. I have learned true compassion, when I should have been angry. I have learned forgiveness. I hope that each person has someone in their life that has hurt them to the core, that has wronged them, that has brought them to their knees. I hope that they have made the choice to love that person. I don't mean accept mistreatment. I mean love them. Pray for them. In the face of their choices against you, I hope you find a place to love them from. I hope you forgive them so that you can pray fiercely for them. To be able to love someone, when they have given you every reason to walk away from them in either anger or sadness, that is remarkable. To love as completely as you can, and get nothing in return, this is loving like God loves.  You could choose hate, but instead you choose love. The true beauty, is that it comes back to you. In one way or another, God blesses you tenfold...elevenfold. It may take time. You may have to endure a period of painful refinement. But it passes. And when it does, you are so much better for it. You love yourself more. You love life more. You love God more.

I am overwhelmed at how God loves me. His grace takes my breath away. In just over a month, I will be twenty-five. I know that it will be a lovely year. I know I will be amazed by what God has in store. I am amazed by what He has already started. 

Twenty-four, 

You were tough. You were a hard season of refinement, and still there is so much left to be done! As you come to a close, I am excited for the end of the chapter and grateful for what I have from it. You showed myself to me, my God to me, in ways I had never seen before.  Because of you, I truly appreciate my strength- which always has and always will be in Christ Jesus.

love,

me

my crazy home

{source unknown}

The girls and I are home today, and I thought I would take a minute to write before I tackled some more cleaning/projects. Sometimes when I need to clean but don't want to, I look at some inspirational pictures to get motivated. I like this one above. This is the color palette that I am going for in my entryway and kitchen. Somehow I keep acquiring vintage mirrors. I am not sure how I will use them, but I think some sort of grouping would be pretty.

I think entryways are important. I think porches and entryways are the first impression. The country blue and rose in my entryway are driving me bonkers. I so badly want to go to work... but I have a whole messy house to clean. You know that saying, "if you're not careful the things you own will start owning you"- well, that is how I am starting to feel. It can really become so overwhelming. Especially with two little ones who make messes faster than I can clean them. 

I want to know what the secret is... How do some moms keep such a clean house? How do they get their kids to keep their rooms clean? How do they stay on top of laundry?

I have a PLAN. First, I am going to continue going through clothes and bag some up for a garage sale. (Which may be next spring.) I already have four trash bags of girls clothes. The rest I will be washing and drying throughout the weekend. I am going to have a box in every room, just to fill up with items for goodwill or garage sale. From there, it will just be one room at a time. I'm on a time frame here, because I would love to have a big Christmas get together this year. I always want things to be perfect... but I know I have to be okay with less than perfect. 

I'm hoping I get a lot accomplished this weekend...