wonderment

Tomorrow I am photographing one of my biggest cheerleaders, and her grand babies. I am very excited and a little nervous, but not as nervous as I have been in the past. I love photographing kids. Pictures of kids can't help but be beautiful. This picture of Brooklyn resembles something more to me, although I can't quite peg it. This isn't even one of my favorite pictures of her. But the way she looked out at that pond in wonderment... that is a little like I am feeling right now. 

What's out there for me? What will I experience? Will it be scary or fun or both? Will this endeavor leave me speechless, blessed beyond imagination? Or will I fail?

Being the "grown up" I knew that pond was small. I knew someday I would take her to oceans that would make that pond look like a puddle. But for her, in that moment, that pond was gigantic. It held sounds and smells and creatures she had never quite experienced before. It was waiting for her, full of lots of little discoveries that would make her heart sing... baby frogs... baby turtles... (oh yes, we caught both) bugs that could swim and funny plants and rocks to skip... the loud bellow of a bullfrog.  At three, all of these things are brand new. They are exciting. They are scary. At twenty something, they are pieces of every summer you have ever had, every fishing trip, every creek down the dirt road. At twenty something, you know exactly how to catch a frog, a baby turtle, even a bullfrog. You know what the plants are called. You know how to skip rocks. You have probably done it hundreds of times before, if you were raised in the boonies like me. 

I have lots of discoveries to make. There are so many things I know I have yet to experience, that are just around the bend. I feel like I am looking out in wonderment, at something brand new and unfamiliar. Just like a three year old finally convinced to hold that squirmy baby turtle, I have finally decided to take some of my very own risks. The turtle wiggled and its tiny claws scared her half to death. But as soon as she was done being frightened, she giggled and picked it back up... knowing it wasn't nearly as scary as she had thought. (Okay, I admit, I made her hold the turtle. My mom/brothers made me hold creatures. And now she loves them all and doesn't understand that we can't keep them inside, or that they can't stay in pockets all day long... most recently I found her playing in the dirt and holding a SLUG. Yes. It was yucky.) I know that everything that feels scary and unfamiliar will one day be just a small pond. It will be old hat. Maybe I will be lucky enough to help the next girl along.

There should be an adjective for being equal parts excited and scared. Because that is where I am right now. Maybe I will make one up. There are lots of little details to sort out right now: photography forms, website colors, session pricing, logo design, etc.. They can become a bit overwhelming and I feel like I need to have post-its stuck all over me so I won't forget. It sure is nice to know you are all there, caring and cheering me on, believing. It sure is nice to stop for a moment and enjoy exactly where I am at. 

My friend Patti has been encouraging me for years to go with photography. "It's your gift," she would say. So taking pictures of her and girlies will be nothing short of extra special. Wish me luck!