Sunday, February 28, 2010

Beautiful Mess

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

I found this quote from Erin's blog: rare and beautiful treasures. I think I may have seen this before, or one similar. But when I read it at her blog it hit me hard. It nearly brings me to tears. I want my heart to be that lost in God. It just isn't. I love God fiercely. But I'm not here yet.
I have felt so out-of-sorts, I don't think I know where to start falling more in love with God. I can be so spiritually ignorant/dumb at times. I think though, that it starts with little every day decisions. Don't say that. Don't make that choice. Go here rather than there. Pray about this instead of getting angry. Be still. Move. Listen. Dance. Delight. I am craving closeness with my Creator. I am longing to dance with Him. I miss the intimacy that came with being an innocent little girl. Somehow, we grow up and sin and become pulled in all these other directions- and suddenly I can't remember the last time I prayed, or read my Bible. What should be first priority becomes last. And then I wonder why it starts to feel like I am sludging along through life...
I want my life to be God-filled and adventurous. I want to live the dreams that God has for my life. I want to chase the Holy Spirit all day long. I want to be bold in my faith. I want to feel alive and fearless and audacious and strong. I want my life to reflect what I believe. If I walked through life, seeking God first, chasing after Him, delighting with all my heart and soul and mind, where might God take me? If I were brave enough to put God first, what would become of my life? Who would I meet? Where would I go? Who's hands would I hold or mouths would I feed? To what depths would I carry the light? If I became fearless and completely jumped, free falling, arms wide open, never once doubting, would my life with God become more amazing than I could have ever imagined? One day, would a man as bold, fearless, and in love with God walk along with me? Could I be the kind of woman that could only be found by seeking God?
Something is changing inside of me. Maybe God is tired of waiting on me and is prompting my spirit. All of sudden, I don't care about all the little trivial things that I have been hanging on to. I don't care about my past. I've lost interest in beating myself up. Guilt is no longer welcome here. What has been so important to me, isn't so much anymore. My eyes are fixed in a different place, a brighter place, and while they aren't quite focused- it is getting clearer.
Thank goodness that no matter how far away we stray, or how lost we get in this world or the people in it, we can always come back to Him. We can always fall in love again.

Friday, February 26, 2010

subtracting and simplifying

Hello Friends!

I am sorry for taking so long to write. This year has gotten off to a CRAZY start. In fact, today was our first day home from the hospital. On February 21 Charlie turned 2. On the 22nd, she was admitted to the hospital with RSV- where we discovered that she also has asthma. We were finally able to come home today. As if things couldn't become more overwhelming, I got sick during our stay at the hospital. During the first part of February, there was an unexpected death in our family. This whole month has been a whirlwind and all I want is to just be home with my girls.

Speaking of home, I have slowly been working on projects here and there as I find time. I am going to school full time this semester, so finding time is tough. I am finding myself getting a little braver when it comes to color. I would like to do some entertaining this spring and summer, and I have many projects I hope to complete before then. The bathroom is almost finished... not sure which room I will move to next. :o)

I haven't taken pictures in quite some time and lately I am feeling drawn back to my camera. I'm feeling like life is getting too busy, too crazy, that I don't have time to really enjoy the things I love. I definitely feel like it is time to start subtracting from the obligations, the schedule, the stuff- and just SIMPLIFY. Can I get an Amen?

I miss posting on my blog. I miss sharing pictures of the pretties I find, the home projects, my daughters. Gosh, I haven't even taken pictures of them in months. MONTHS.

Hang in there with me. I will be back here in full form soon enough. I just have to get busy subtracting and simplifying...