There are so many decisions to make as a parent. Some carry more weight than we could possibly realize, while others we agonize over because there are so many fears attached to them. Being a parent seems to be the ultimate form of vulnerability. As Charlotte naps, and I listen to her little sleeping snores, I take comfort in her peacefulness. When your daughter is three, your toughest hurdles are being patient with her fierce independence, staying calm during her meltdowns, and knowing when to take the Minky away. When your daughter is three, she loves to be next to you. If you are lucky, she sings you songs and finds her way to where ever you are just to tuck her little hand in yours. Now, when your daughter is seven, well... that is a different story. When your daughter is seven, your hurdles are teaching her personal responsibility, and how beautiful she is, how God loves her, and how to ward off the nastiness at school that starts entirely to early. You make sure she does her homework, and that she understands it. You make sure you provide her with self-confidence boosting activities, like soccor or painting. You try to never forget that she is always watching. You are the example by which she will model what it means to be a woman. You hope, beyond all hope, that by the Grace of God you can raise her well despite yourself. And when she is presented with a choice, and makes the right one, you start to understand how the last seven years have been spent shaping a pretty amazing human being. Then you can take comfort in knowing you did something right. I had to stop and save this post, and much later in the day my bff Emily sent me a video clip of somebody speaking on vulnerability.
Funny how that works, huh? In case you don't watch it, she speaks on connection. And how one must be accepting of vulnerability in order to be connected. Connection leads to whole-heartedness. Whole-heartedness exists among people who have the courage to be seen, to be vulnerable. It really is a great speech and worth watching. The gal studied people for ten years to arrive at some of her conclusions. It is nice to have research on things like this. So maybe vulnerability is just the space in which we need love? Love from God, from family, from friends... Maybe vulnerability is the space in which I need to love myself? Parenting, and being authentic, are two things I want to be good at.