decisions

This is the picture. Before this picture, I had only considered myself a girl with a pretty good camera. This is probably my favorite picture of Brooklyn to date. When I shared this picture with family and friends, it was the one. With this picture, (this was one of many that I shared) friends and coworkers and family all said, "This is your calling!" in some form or another...

When I was laid off (a year ago February) my closest coworkers said, "This is your chance to pursue photography!" Of course, this isn't quite the way I saw it. I appreciated their positive spins, but more or less considered it a way of softening the blow.

Then, quite a while later, God put some photography opportunities in my path. Despite my lack of experience, things felt very natural. I felt confident in what I was doing. I caught myself smiling as I worked. What? Could this be? Could work make one happy??? Eventually, I was offered the money it would take to get going. And there it was. Nothing holding me back.

Except me.

I'm doing well in school. I am fairly certain I want to be a teacher. I am trying to focus my energies somewhere. I'm on a "plans for my life" schedule here! I want to get my degree, I want to move to a small town, my country home, horses for the girls...you know. No matter the economy, the world will always need teachers. This photography thing has just created a kink in my timeline. And if you love photography, if it makes you happy, can you ruin that by making it your work?

I have been praying for direction. One thing I know is, I was not created for mediocrity. Too long straddling the fence makes me ancy. I feel like I am on the verge of something. God has been wooing me all over the place. And I can't seem to put my Bible down. (note to self: when you want to feel like your life has meaning, Ecclesiastes probably isn't the best book to read. :o)

My favorite verse this week: 

"How beautiful you are, my beloved, how beautiful! Your eyes are soft like doves"

-Song of Sol. 1:15